This post may verge on being too personal, but it’s something that I need to get off my chest (so excuse me if I post it then delete it later).
I see the phrase “die alone” a lot. It’s typically used as a way to discourage singledom. It’s a well-known fact that no-one wants to die alone. But it’s not dying alone that scares me. It’s living alone.
Let’s face it, even if you’re happily married and have been all of your adult life, you’re just as likely to die without that person by your side as you are to die with them nearby. Anyone could die alone, regardless of their relationship status. So that’s not what worries me, it could happen to anyone. Living alone however… this is where it gets personal.
So I’m in my early 20’s and I still live with my family. Not because I have to though, I’m actually looking at apartments right now. But what scares me is that when I do move out, my level of social interactions will plummet. I’ll only get sparse interactions when I manage to meet up with my friends and speaking to people in my secluded office at work.
So the answer to this would be to get a boyfriend, right? That would solve the social interaction problem and could give me someone to live with further along the line. Problem solved. However! I’ve never had a boyfriend. At high school age I pretty much hated the idea of having one. So when everyone else was doing practise runs of relationships, I was quite contently alone. But when I got a bit older and thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, I had literally no idea where to start and I’m pretty sure I blew the few opportunities I had with guys who might have been interested in me because I was scared. And the older I get, the harder it becomes to start relationships.
So there you have it.
I will not only die alone but I’ll probably go through life alone too. And I find that terrifying.